Sometimes, I Wonder

Some times I wonder how the hell we can keep on going. Some times. And this happens usually while I stare down the steam that dances, rises and climbs from my morning mug and as my dog’s tail plays a rhythmic “THUMP, THUMP… ” against the leg of my table. For one reason or another thought is a blanket in this hour and often reminds me that I am owed plenty of sleep. Sleep that I would like nothing more than to retreat into. Some times I wonder…

Most of us awake to an awful sound. One that is picked specifically to shock or annoy us into the drumming, droning day. Some of us have children to attend to first before coffee or a cigarette, some of us have pets but we all have not a desire to ever hear our alarm blare. So, we wake up and, with no “come hither” in its voice, our first stop is that damned alarm. I wonder how come I can’t pick something pleasant to wake up to, why must I be jarred alert and out of a dream.

Assuming we skip the morning story from here then I guess you, like most, would have to clock in at some place that seems more familiar than your own carpet, your own backyard or anywhere else you find yourself slightly less often. I wonder how we keep on like this every day. I’m a believer in the power of day dreams and, if you’re lucky, you drift off while doing your task(s). After a bit of confusion and hectic swirling you can clock out. “I wonder if I did okay. Did well?”. We’d talk about it with our friends over drinks that get watered down because we’re all so caught up in our work still – so we talk about it a lot. I miss my friends. How do we go on?

Ahhhh… finally back at home. It feels nice. And sort of familiar, like I remembered all day while at work, clocked in, drumming and droning. Already there is a sense of urgency, to get ready for tomorrow rather than just being in the moment. Violence on the news, bills to pay and bank accounts to check online to see whether or not you can, those calls and/or text messages you dodged (or politely couldn’t answer) from the seemingly long day and you selectively backtrack. I miss my friends. I also set my alarm while I’m ignoring my dog’s anxiously beating tail. Maybe you have kids you check on before your coffee and cigarette. And I wonder how we can keep going on. On like this.




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